Emotionally disabled people are emotionally abusive people.
Because of my upbringing and past lack of emotional education and boundaries I have been most of my life at the effect of such people.
The cycle followed a known (now) pattern : abuse > me making things right > moment of peace > abuse > make them feel right > moment of peace....
As soon as I break out or try to break out of this, two things happen :
the emotionally disabled person leaves - which enhances my abandonment fear or I am told that I am not behaving as I should.
The resulting cyclical emotional neglect is coming with even more effects :
-inability to feel safe
-lack of trust that I can live a normal life
-lack of trust in my own abilities
-closing in and staying away from other people- the disabled person requiring a lot of attention, energy and time.
These disabled people have the impression that other people are there to do things for them, to make them feel good and do that over and over again.
Of course this is their defense, their mask that allows them to feel somewhat normal or safe in their own skin. I think that some of them don't know that they are mistreating others - they lack the capacity of self reflection and consciousness but some are doing it for fun.
Who are the emotionally disabled people ? Where do they come from?
These are men and women growing up in rigid, silent and emotionally/ physically/ psychological abusive families, where they cannot acquire the emotional education or emotional sensitivity required for life.
My dedication to emotional education, non violent communication and self healing but also loneliness are results of that - I have been preoccupied all my life with people who cannot respond in warm, loving and caring ways. They lack that something in their brain, in their being and heart that is making possible to connect to a person and is then creating a channel ( two ways )where emotions, thoughts, care, love and support are exchanged on a long term. I find that disability very harmful to the society and humanity. Not to say to myself.
I chose to use the word disabled because I think they are, they simply lack the healthy abilities to relate to others. For that reason, they do attach on others of a certain type - kind, caring, empathic, weak, real or self declared victims etc. But a different name that is being used nowadays is narcissism.
I am writing about this because I am done with encouraging these people to exist while feeding on myself.
Coming from Moldova where such treatment is a twisted normality, where women suffer in silence the abuse of their partners or bosses - I used to think also that this is normal or to accept the presence of this as normal thinking that my role was that of Aschenputtel or Cinderella. Russia and Italy or Germany are not far from there - domestic abuse (emotional, physical and psychological) is still a deep and black hole where people fall into it daily.
This is not life. It is not. We must all refuse accepting and encouraging it. We must learn and teach our children better. The pattern must end and I am starting with myself.
These are parents, other people I met and worked with, other women and men I know.
These are people you know.