Loving vs. Hurtful Relationships

Here I am referring to interpersonal relationships of all types - not only romantic ( but implied) : family, friends, work and the rest of the world.

The romantic relationships are indeed those affecting us the most (mostly personal and impactful) and would require a separate moment given the complexity.

What is a relationship ?

A relationship is an open channel of communication between two people, groups of people and so on. Whatever is being transmitted via this channel - mentally, emotionally and physically is the relationship.

Positive/Loving relationships

A loving relationship is characterised by :

-respect for the other person’s soul and awareness of it

-respect for their humanity and care thereof

-a gentle desire for the wellbeing and development of the other person/persons even if that means distancing

-the wellbeing of the other person and that of the relationship is the priority .

The wellbeing of the self is a basic need for the relationship to even exist. That is why a person who is not having a good relationship with her/himself yet cannot have thriving and constant relationships with another or more people. Such a person can have simulations of relationships that soothe him/her for a while but these soon fall apart, because they are not real.

-complete sincerity

-emotional openness and vulnerability

-moral and emotional support

-positive communication and encouragement

-desire to share everything because the other party is part of the self


-respect for their boundaries

-exchange of emotions, the relationship being a safe place to do so

-taking into the account the effect of one's actions or words on the other person

-open communication of one’s needs and desires

-dedication and implication

-freedom of thought and action but with the care of not hurting the other. If it is hurting, the hurt is addressed gently and attentively.

-the emotional wellbeing and development of all implied are the main reasons for being in that relationship

-acceptance and change if need be



Draining/Toxic relationships

A toxic relationship is characterised by :

-emotional heaviness and distress

-emotional and psychological instability

-physical pain and constant ailments of different kind

-mental insecurity and emotional blockage- the incapacity to share emotions, thoughts

-fear of opening up emotionally because the other person might use it against the other or might ignore it completely

-lack of emotions

-lack of joy

-lack of positive feedback and encouragement

-control of the other's actions, thoughts, emotions

-fear at an emotional and psychological level - not knowing what bomb will explode next

-the need to distance oneself from the other/ others

-one-sided communication. The other never asking : how are you? what can I do for you?

-one-sided actions- completely disregarding the effect of one’s actions on the other/others

-inability to express one’s needs and desires without fearing the reaction of the other/others or possibility of abandon

-need to hide and stay away

-need to stay alert and on guard

-lying and manipulation of the truth

-fear of the truth instead of living the truth

-disregard and negation of the other’s reality

-sadness, stagnation, physical /emotional heaviness

-lack of creativity