When I was growing up we did not get any education on this matter.
We simply did not talk about any of this. Just like we would get a bunch of used school books at the beginning of a new school year- the kids who were friends of friends of friends got the newer ones- just like that we inherited a set of behaviors and expected reactions. It did matter where you came from who your father and mother was.
If the teacher was yelling and even beating a child, that was “normal”. If a certain boy or girl was again in trouble or causing it - that was the norm, he/she was not a good boy or girl anyway and would not make it far in life.
We were supposed to act in accordance with those rules, in school and later in life.
As soon as I left home, soon after finishing high school, I found myself thrown into the whirlpool of life having very little knowledge or any tools to make my way. I had not base but I felt I had to get away.
I do believe that a child needs parents before having God, which was my guidance all along but pretty far away and abstract when real life hits in.
Poor personal boundaries
Trusting nobody and trusting all at the same time
Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries
Talking at a very intimate level at the very first meeting
Saying Yes while hoping that the other person will refuse
Being overwhelmed by a person - being preoccupied by that person’s problems
Acting on the first sexual impulse
Being sexual for someone, not for yourself also
Going against personal values or rights to please someone
Falling in love with a person who is contacting you
Falling in love with a completely new acquaintance
Touching a person without asking
Letting others define you
Letting others direct your reality
Letting others describe your reality
Believing others can anticipate and know your needs
Expecting others to fulfill your needs automatically
Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you
Falling apart hoping someone will take care of you
Sexual and physical abuse
Spending money one does not have
Strong and healthy boundaries
Moving step by step into intimacy
Staying focused on your own growth and recovery
Maintaining personal values no matter what others want
Noticing when someone is invading your boundaries
Saying No when you don’t need or don’t want something
Deciding if a potential relationship would be good for you
Weighing the consequences before acting on sexual impulses
Noticing when someone is displaying inappropriate boundaries
Being sexual when you want to be
Asking a person before touching them
Trusting your own decisions
Defining your truth as you see it
Knowing who you are and what you want
Becoming your own loving parent
Talking to yourself with love, care, humor and respect
Respect for others
Not giving too much hoping someone will like you
Not allowing someone to take advantage of your generosity
Recognizing that family and friends are not mind readers
Having a healthy and realistic view on the financial situation
Family, friends, work colleagues, acquaintances and people on the street should adhere to their own personal boundaries and respect those of others.
Grown men (over 30) and women would not be producing babies without knowing what to do with them afterwards, remaining bound for life into situations that are not
Grown men (over 30) would not be searching for the next thrill in a sexual relationship with several women, each living under the impression that they are unique and chosen
Grown men would have the language and the mental force to discern and say No
Grown women would not become serves
Mothers and fathers would would not have to hide themselves from their children, because they would all be on the same page
Women would not become victims nor tyrants
Men would not become victims nor tyrants
I believe that by teaching children about healthy and strong boundaries, just like we teach them English or Math, giving them the language to express themselves- this the only way to create a healthier community made out of men who know how to mange their own emotions and mental processes, women who know their priorities and have a healthy, loving, inclusive view on the world.