The fine line

The is a fine line between: being kind - being abused, empathic - codependent, assertive- demanding, transparent - missing personal boundaries. These are all levels on the personality development scale.


I find that learning to distinguish what is what is very difficult when you don't know actually why being demanding is wrong - if everybody else is. Why being codependent is wrong if it brings you security? Why being a silently suffering person is wrong if whole cultures are based on that and they seem to work just fine, life goes on, right ?


Why should we even bother about that?


Well, the short answer is - because any kind of constriction of the spirit is leading to a malformation in the way people develop, in the way they see themselves and treat the rest of the world.

Unawareness leads to more pain not to development and understanding of the purpose here - to bring love into this world by going though the darkness with the light in your eyes.


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How can we know when the fine line was stepped over and we have been abused or became - without noticing or purposefully seeking that- codependent or a Hitler like little person screaming from balconies, blood boiling in the veins while hateful words are being injected into the crowd?


We can know by feeling.


Along the years I have repeated that our emotions are our friends, they come with a message. We might be scared by strong and confusing emotions - in the beginning. If we stop and listen, talk to them we can really know their message. By receiving the message held in our emotions we get to understanding and to clarity our state of being.


From there it is very possible to know how to act and improve the situation: take ourselves out of toxic environments and relationships, stop responding in self harming, self sabotaging ways, learn a new skill, change something in our immediate reality etc.


Why should we take ourselves out of harmful situations?


If you wonder why this is even a question - well, I had great difficulties with this one. I thought : if we all leave, leave those who are in pain and don't know a better way of living but hurting themselves and all around- the negativity will grow.

The reality is the contrary - if the negativity ( situations, hurtful people, jobs) does not get fed with energy- it dies. Teach them to fish, do not feed them the fish.


Duh!


If we don't experience love (of self, people and life) we will never live, even if the lungs are breathing and the heart is pumping.


Take a moment to evaluate your relationships and the way you are present in them.


How do people interact with you ? How does it feel? Do you feel overlooked? Do you feel like you want to get closer to them or get distance? Why ?

If you have children, have you ever spoken to them about personal boundaries, being kind but also knowing how to stop when that help becomes something else?


Are you doing things out of fear, confusion, habit or because you are in love with your spirit?